i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
