My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
