I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
