i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
