Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
