i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
