so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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