There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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