so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
