You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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