ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
