I am puke
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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