Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I puked a lego.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
