A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
