I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
