I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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