I'm eating all of the evidence.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
