Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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