Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He did a backflip because drugs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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