I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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