Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
