i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
