There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
