i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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