Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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