I think i peed on brittanys purse
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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