Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
