I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
