Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
