i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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