I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
