I am in a vortex of obligation.
zippers are such a cool invention
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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