3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
