You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
