Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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