If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
