Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
