So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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