i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
