I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
