Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
