I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
