well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
