I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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