i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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