Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
