Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
