it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
