I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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