that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Congratulations! We have a period
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