I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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