i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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