and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
