I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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