I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
