Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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