is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
