Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
