Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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