its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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