I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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