my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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