That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
