I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
