Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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