Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
