she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
