Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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