We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
