In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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