He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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