my soul wont recognize me after tonight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
