he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize