fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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